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Back by (un)popular demand... (20/08/2007 19:53) |
The (ir)regular blogger has numerous excuses in what i have deemed a "blog-deficient" arsenal. These range from sheer laziness, lack of the muse right up to serious injury and even death. The latter is actually more of a full stop to a blogging career, although stranger things have happened. I remember in 1987 in Istanbul the case of... But i digress. I am about to unleash a blunderbus style volley of excuses for my near 9 week absence from my blog. My excuses are threefold.
It occurred to me the other day that blogging, once the initial pattern has been established, becomes very like a newspaper column (without the grand readership). Fundamentally, you need a topic to jump off from as there are only so many times you can go to the well, so to speak. I have spent a good week thinking through "what to blog on, what to blog on", drumming my fingers on my chin and looking up at a thought bubble above my head. Upon discovering i am not a cartoon, and whilst at a wedding reception, i came across something that jumped out at me. I went to the toilet as normal (no expansion needed i hope - 1s not 2s gents), washed my hands (i know, housebroken!) and then went to dry them. What did i find? One of these:- ![]() This, ladies and gents, if you've not come across them, is an electric paper towel dispenser. This, ladies and gents, is a fundamentally redundant machine. What's that i hear you cry? Justify yourself? But of course... A machine is supposed to remove the need for human effort from a need-solution logic chain. For example, if i need to get to Oslo, in olden days i would have had to walk. This would involve much time and energy usage on my part. In short, to get to Oslo would cost me great effort. Luckily, through time, invention and industrialisation (English spelling) someone came up with the plane, allowing me to get to Oslo in a matter of hours. Thus my need (to get to Oslo, probably to escape this English summer) is solved with less effort cost to myself thanks to a machine. My life is made easier. There are many examples of this in the world today. The electric toothbrush removes the effort from brushing teeth. The cooker removes the effort from burning food. The TV removes the effort from nearly everything and is therefore one of the best machines. (The side issue in all this is that the effort or energy expended in the creation and running of machines is actually greater than that which is saved, but the individual doesn't notice this. We'll leave this to one side for now, as it is a distraction.) But the machine above achieves nothing to reduce the effort expended in my need-solution logic chain. I have wet hands and need to dry them, i use paper towels, my hands are dry. If the towels were in a normal dispenser, I'd pull them out. In an electric one, i still have to pull them out! If anything, i have to expend MORE energy to get the same effect as it is motion sensitive, so i have to wave my hand back and forward to get the towels out, by which time MY HANDS HAVE BECOME DRY AND I HAVE A LOAD OF USELESS PAPER TOWELS! There is no logic to this invention. I have thought about it (those of you who have met me know this will be true, those that haven't BELIEVE me):
I do not overstate the case here. The pointlessness of this "machine" is surpassed only by the danger it poses to all mankind. Either it will consume all our power resources, plunging us into a second dark age and a technological retardation, or we'll all die from urine related disease. The choice is yours ladies and gents. I URGE you, if you see this type of machine (there are a number of different models on the market, all bad), it is your moral duty to destroy it by any violent means necessary (see OFFICE SPACE the movie for ideas - the fax machine scene...). It is up to you, the fate of mankind rests in your hands.... Seriously. Woj. |
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