Er..... (13/11/2006 15:54)

I am feeling a little uncomfortable.

Before you ask, no my underwear is not too tight, nor have i sat down too quickly and trapped my genitals between the chair and my body. That is not the root of my discomfort.

(As an aside, just if anyone is wondering, i am male.

Confusion could potentially lie in the previous statement about genitals if you mistakenly believe i am a woman...

With protruding genitals.

Male. Promise)

Nor am i feeling uncomfortable within myself, as the gender enforcement above might have you believe. No happy being me (a man).

Obviously, the adverts in the Uk would paint me as some kind of moron who is completely distracted whilst eating an oversized Mcdonalds burger, or the kind of human being who might mistake a tampon for a sugar sachet or wrapped sweet. This is not the type of man i am. I know what a tampon looks like. But i am off topic...

No, my discomfort lies in my managerleague position. Take a look at Division 3 - 13. Sat happily in 2nd place you will find Banditos. On the face of it this makes sense.  I assure you if you are me, it does not.

After 15 seasons (pretty much, give or take the one relegation to div 5) i finally walked off with the division 4 49 title. Finally. I demolished the opposition, they stood no chance before my 110 odd goal strikeforce. I lost but one game all season. I was dominant.

So, like most teams who dominate a low division, i fully expected to spend the next season rooted to the foot of division 3 13, only to have my form lift agonisingly towards the end of the season, then to miss out on surviving the drop back down on goal difference. I've seen it happen to many times to mention.

And yet, here we are, 11 games in, second place. This is not right and i am uncomfortable.

I am uncomfortable because i am getting delusions of grandure and thinking that i may, just may be in division 2 - 4 next season.

I am uncomfortablr and what i am suffering from is hope.

This is not good. Hope is a bad thing. Hopes can be realised, but more often they are dashed on the rocks below, like the fat one in Lord of the Flies. I hope mine are not so unfortunate.

I have not blogged for a while as i have been holding my breath, waiting for the bubble to burst and trying not to do anything differently that may jeapordise my league position. We all know that fate watched our every move and no one more than i feel her icy gaze on me, even as i write this.

But i had to take the risk - i couldn't not put myself out there, even if only to prove fate right, to prove superstion right in all it's glory. I hope i am wrong. There's hope again!

As for the last time i blogged, i thank those 31 people who read it, i thank my usual friends who commented, and i note that no one wants free credits. Ah well, my attempts at setting up my own competitions die with me. Unless that job offer of being a story writer was real, Antjie. Dashed hopes acoming?

So in short, i feel uncomfortable and i expect my hopes will be dashed. I am sorry for the big gap, i hope you didn't (and i doubt you did) hold your breath, and for those still wondering who was on the answerphone, i am afraid i have poured my creative juices in a different direction this month.

I will tonight be editing my first short film, written and directed by yours truly.

I have also been writing as the bug has me again.

Should any of this amount to anything, i'll link it all up for you all to have a look.

For now, keep your fingers crossed for me...and i'll cross mine for you (but only in odd numbered pairs, as we all know the even numbers would cancel each other out....)

here's hoping...