To paraphrase a Liverpool legend - Managerleage is not real life. It's far more important than that.

I never said managerleague was real life. In fact, I remember saying I was fully aware it was not real life and yet in reading Gizmo's blog I find myself mocked ever so slightly, but yet still mocked! I bristle now with barely controlled anger. Grrrr

This would be tempered if Banditos were actually achieving anything AT ALL this season. How can they be almost all round better and yet be playing worse? What's happened? What's changed?

Well, one thing. I read Gizmo's blog and altered my line-up as suggested. Best passers and whatnot in the right places. I'm happy with my 4-4-2 as its how we do it over here and it makes sense. So if the advice I am following is as excellent as it is supposed to be why am I slumped in 4th when at this stage last season I was 2 points clear at the top without having lost a game?  

I still played attacking away from home because, hey, that's the kind of guy I am. And I won 4-1 doing so. So that's not it. My morale is high, largely to do with the paella and sangria party we had at the weekend, and although Jimmy Letterford was arrested by the policía for public indecency with a pavlova (don't ask - he's young) the event went off rather well. My midfield are playing their socks off, strikers have 13 goals between the three of them. Granted, the Eric Hawksworth keeps missing training sessions to go hiking in the Patalonian mountains with Paolo (it's definitely a woman) and so is stuck with an average rating of 50.

The only difference is the tactical changes I unleashed on my team based on suggestions made in a blog that mocks me ever so slightly. From my office window over the shanty towns and dusty sock fields, it is starting to feel like a big ruse to fool me. Or maybe, to make everyone else's team worse so his team works better? How far does the trust go?

It may just be a natural slump in my team. Maybe in the lower leagues, where the players aren't so hot, there is a greater element of chance and these tactical ideas are not as useful as cold hard tackling and an all out disregard for defence. Maybe my team is just crap. But do any of these maybes sound realistic to you? Is it not more believable that Gizmo has fooled us all? After all, why would he tell everyone his secrets? Simple human kindness? There is something murky behind this, and it's time to see how deep the rabbit-hole goes...

The frustration this builds in me, knowing I’ve been duped once again by someone who is fast becoming my nemesis. The Tequila bottle shatters in my clenched fist, forcing shards of glass into the palm of my hand. I hold it before me as the thunderstorm breaks over Patalonia, over Stadio el Banditos, and as the lightning flashes illuminate the blood running down my wrist I laugh manically. I will have my revenge, oh yes!

Obviously, if I don’t wake up tomorrow morning and you never here from me again, you'll know it's because I was telling you the truth! It may not be real life, at least not yet...